You need to take some time to work on your self-esteem, because that attitude will not get you very far in life.”, This x a million… regardless of culture or this particular relationship, this is not a trait or behavior that leads to happiness , this is not normal “everyone has insecurities” kind of stuff going on…, 6napkinburger And are you looking to get married soon? theattack He’s shorter than me, but he’s always seemed pretty confident despite that, which I always appreciated, but now I know he was confident next to me because he doesn’t think I’m all that great. Do we want them to have to say? I never point out guys that look like him as being attractive, but he doesn’t take it personally because I’m not talking about him. I Fantasize About Other Men When I'm With My Husband. Definitely! The LW thinks the fiance should be with her because she is pretty and that’s what should draw him to her. You need to take a step back. You can’t depend on any human being to help you feel good enough. It feels just like if you asked “Am I pretty?” and he replies “Well, you have a great personality….”, lets_be_honest Unless, however, she’s just unhappy with the relationship as a whole, as the last paragraph touches on, and in that case, she should think about moving on. And yes, I would find him less physically attractive if he went out and got a big old tattoo on his chest. June 19, 2013, 10:16 am. I mean, I know his type – super-pale skinny redheads with great asses. theattack Sometimes. Plain and simple. ALL THE TIME. I married partially for the same reason my first time around. It means I noticed an attractive person and then went on with my day. When her fiancé thinks an unattractive person (subjectively, of course) is pretty but she’s not, it’s obviously going to make her think she’s less attractive than that person. I think she needs to ask him that before she makes assumptions. In the … Of course I starting thinking about what kind of questions we wives should ask our husbands, but more than that, I immediately thought of questions we should not ask them. Why not make her feel good? It’s a fundamental skill that’s required for any long-term relationship to be healthy. I honestly don’t think you would. You can acknowledge a difference between yourself and others in terms of a positive trait without being a jerk — its being perceptive and honest. eh, like fabelle said, its very madonna/whore complex. June 19, 2013, 6:44 pm. He has, like, zero tolerance for people who fish for compliments, so anytime I’ve tried to pull the “Do you think I’m pretty?” question, his bullshit detector goes off and he calls me out on it and refuses to play along. It’s kind, generous, loving, and most-importantly reflects the fact that he wants to spend his whole life with her! GatorGirl Ugh, that was supposed to have a “/sarcasm mode” tag at the end of it. Isn’t English an official language in India? This letter is definitely the second one. So how can you say the LW’s fiance is at any fault here? I have no idea why everyone is up in arms now…it has been going on since TIME… so don’t worry MMcG – the NSA already knows all about you! June 19, 2013, 11:00 am. This complex has pretty negative connotations that I just can’t get on board with that based on like 3 sentences about his physical preferences. women are not divided into “wives” and “hot girls”. And yes, there’s a huge cultural difference here at play. My husband says the right things and I don’t dissect those things. If you’re looking for a hook up/fling you’re going to look for certain characteristics- perhaps a hot body, bit of a wild/fun personality, someone who throws caution to the win. June 19, 2013, 3:51 pm. Like Lindsay said below, she seems to be associating worth with looks. It can’t be just one or the other. Comfortable clothes (Fitted t-shirts, jeans, rarely anything revealing) Comfy, cute clothes (Loose crop tops, skinny jeans, etc.) She didn’t ask her boyfriend if he thought she was pretty and the he dodged the question, she asked how he could think women who don’t look like her are attractive and still want to be with her. June 19, 2013, 11:59 am. She said she was fine with everything (at least attractiveness-wise, that last comment at the end was vague as hell) until she felt like he explicitly told her that she wasn’t pretty. LBH, I just saw your question. I’m pretty happy with my body — I’m 5ft 9in and 12½st, so that’s a healthy size. I wouldn’t expect my partner to ask permission, but I would find it odd if he came home with a tattoo and didn’t even tell me it was happening. Are Women’s Higher Salaries the Reason for Drop in Marriage Rate? As in, they would have understood that you may marry someone for other qualities than looks. I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. An attractive guy knows how to handle being attractive – it isn’t new and exciting for him to think he is in demand. Yes, they look so cute. If she wanted to know if he thinks she’s pretty, that’s what she needs to ask, not to flirt with the topic by talking about his type. I’m not saying that physical beauty needs to be held the highest, but I think it’s important to love your appearance in addition to all the inside stuff. He can say “you look so cute and young in that dress” and I twist it into “you’re not womanly enough, you dress like a child, blah blah”. June 19, 2013, 10:32 am. ♥. But when thinking about a life partner- reliability, responsibility, trust. I think it’s also something to note that she didn’t ask if he found her pretty, but how he could find women attractive who looked different from her. June 19, 2013, 10:19 am. Don’t let him succeed! Feeling like your partner is sexually attracted to you is pretty damn important in a relationship and if you don’t have that then I don’t see how a relationship can work without resentment and hurt feelings growing over time.